


i want you (to stay)

by Cocoa_N_Donuts



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Avatrice, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26616028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cocoa_N_Donuts/pseuds/Cocoa_N_Donuts
Summary: Five firsts for Ava, and 1 for Beatrice.Or: Where Ava learns how to be herself, and Beatrice learns what it means to be wanted.
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Comments: 18
Kudos: 267





	i want you (to stay)

**Ava’s First Swimming Lesson**

It started out innocently enough. Ava was recounting what she’d done before the OCS had found her. 

‘I was so happy, I just jumped into a pool because it looked so… inviting, you know? Only mid-jump did I realise that I _couldn’t swim.’_

‘It really is a miracle how you’re still alive.’ Mary commented, ‘You really should learn.’

‘Yeah,’ Camila agreed, ‘Beatrice can teach you. She’s the best swimmer out of us all.’

‘Technically Lilith is the stronger swimmer--’ Beatrice argues. 

‘Yeah,’ Lilith interjected, ‘but I’ll be the one drowning her if she annoys me.’

‘And Beatrice is the second best swimmer, so she can teach you!’ Camila chimed in happily, exchanging knowing looks with the rest of the team while Ava and Beatrice blushed and avoided their gazes. 

So it was set. 

A few days later, Beatrice led Ava to the training pool in the Cat’s Cradle. It was the perfect day for swimming, and the picturesque background of Andalusia was just the cherry on top. 

Ava followed behind Beatrice, both of them clad in really comfortable bathrobes. 

When they reached the lockers, both of them made quick work of disrobing and while Ava just stuffed her robe in, Beatrice took the time to fold it and place it neatly in the locker. 

Closing the door to the locker, Beatrice walks over to one end of the pool, Ava trailing behind. 

They were both in black wetsuits, courtesy of the OCS, covered from head to toe. 

Ava tried to look as respectfully as possible, but Beatrice was _toned_ and lithe, and it showed even through the unflattering wetsuit.

Oddly, Emma Watson was right, the less you reveal, the more others have to wonder. 

And Ava had a very, _very_ vivid imagination, courtesy of being trapped in a bed for 12 years of her life to wonder. 

_Gulp._

Beatrice slides into the pool, ‘Okay, this side of the pool is shallow enough, I’ll be right next to you here, but if you’re ever in trouble, just stand up.’

Ava sits at the edge of the pool, next to Beatrice, dipping her legs, just swinging them and getting a feel on how her body moves through the water. Actually, it wasn’t unlike phasing through walls. 

She’s still a little hesitant to get into the water after actually drowning, but the pool did look shallow, and she knew Beatrice would never allow harm to come to the halo-bearer, so...

She gets out fully and hops in. The resulting splash made Beatrice turn away to avoid a faceful of water.

Ava laughs, full bellied at Beatrice’s expression as she scrunches her face, it’s a cute look on her.

So when she gets a faceful of water (right into her open mouth, too!), she chokes. 

This time, it was Beatrice who giggled.

‘Did you just…’ Ava asked in disbelief after regaining her composure. 

Beatrice smiles at her, lifting an eyebrow in challenge. 

The ensuing water fight was one for the ages. Ava found Beatrice’s ability to hold her breath for 4 minutes straight particularly annoying, impressive, and… 

Well, hot. 

When they finally got down to business, Beatrice stood next to Ava, had Ava hold on to the side of the pool to practice both the flutter kick and the frog kick.

Beatrice was right there, as promised, adjusting Ava’s form and posture as and when needed. But Beatrice’s touch, gentle but firm, was stirring something in Ava. 

Distracted by the sheer proximity of Beatrice, her lower half sinking even as she kicked.

‘You need to use your core strength to keep yourself parallel, Ava,’ Beatrice presses a hand to Ava’s solar plexus, ‘Right here. Draw strength from your core to… Ava? Are you alright?’ 

Ava was more than alright, but with Beatrice’s hand touching her just underneath her boobs…it sent lots of… sensation firing through her synapses. 

‘Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine!’ Ava squeaked.

‘The halo’s glowing really.. bright. Stop, stop. Please try to calm down. If you knock me out in this pool, this can get really bad.’

Beatrice adjusted Ava so she was standing upright within the pool, but unfortunately, with more of Beatrice touching her, Ava just got more worked up. She could feel the halo whirring at her back until...

An unfamiliar jolt coursed through the both of them, causing Beatrice to flinch before she doubles back in worry. 

‘Ava? What happened? Why did the halo do that? Has it ever happened before?’

‘I… I don’t know! But no, no it hasn’t!’ 

Beatrice takes in Ava’s blush, her inability to maintain eye contact, sudden awkwardness...and completely misunderstands. 

Her eyes widened in horror, ‘Ava. I need you to tell me if I’m making you uncomfortable! I know that I’m… you know, but—’ 

‘No! No, it’s definitely not that! It’s not—‘ Ava buries her face in her hands. ‘I like you touching me, I’m not uncomfortable at all!’ 

Beatrice blinks, stares at Ava in utmost surprise. 

‘See, now I’ve made you uncomfortable.’ Ava sinks into the pool so the water could cool her heated cheeks while her nose still remained above water. 

‘You…’ 

‘Yeah. I like you, Bea. You’re… very easy to like. Like, like-like. Like that.’ 

Beatrice’s chuckle was lovely, radiant. 

She hugs Ava, resting a hand on Ava’s head without hesitation, saying nothing more than a tight hug will. 

Ava snuggles into the hug. 

  
  
  


**Ava’s First Movie Night**

‘If Adriel’s looking to possess the UN leaders, we’re going to need to infiltrate that fancy gala and pull an Ocean’s 8.’ 

Three pairs of eyes looked at Ava blankly. 

Ava shared a look with Mary. ‘Really? They haven’t watched that iconic movie of female empowerment and hot girls?’ 

‘They’re nuns, Ava. And too busy to watch a heist movie.’

‘Well that changes today! Camila bring your laptop and we can sign up for a free Netflix trial! I’ll help with the projector. Beatrice, you’re in charge of snacks and popcorn! Lilith, Mary, you find the best cushions and mattresses so everyone can huddle on the ground. I declare a movie night!’ 

‘So you _do_ have leadership and organisational skills. If only you would use them for the mission.’ Lilith commented while rolling her eyes. 

‘Hey! This _is_ for a mission! And my very first movie night… with popcorn!’

They managed to set everything up within fifteen minutes. After all, they were hyper-competent nuns… with the exception of Ava and Mary. But Mary already had the hyper-competence down pat. 

They huddled up with blankets in the darkness, seated on the floor of Ava’s room. On Ava’s right was Beatrice, Camila to her left, then Mary and Lilith. 

Despite all that had been said, the nuns were actually entirely focused on the movie. Ava was invested in the movie, of course, but she already knew what was coming and so had more on her mind than just the movie. 

She thought of all the movies she’d watched while laying in bed, there was the classic move where the guy would stretch and put his arm around the girl, or the one where the girl would pretend to be frightened by a horror show and hide her face into the guy’s ample pecs… oh, the list could go on. Only, Ava wasn’t _that_ much of an asshole to subject Beatrice to them, especially because Beatrice was still trying to overcome her own… issues. 

So she scooted her hand silently under the blanket she shared with Beatrice, waited for an appropriate amount of time, before going on a hunt for Bea’s hand. Sure enough, the nun’s hands were on her lap. 

Beatrice’s hand trembled ever so slightly when Ava took it, but it returned the pressure, and Ava laced their fingers together. 

When Ava chanced a look at Beatrice, she was glad to find a small smile already directed at her, and Ava couldn’t help grinning back. 

They continued watching the movie, until there was yet another lull. 

Ava’s mind wandered, and so did her hands. Taking Beatrice’s hand onto her lap, Ava began to explore with both of her hands, gently feeling her way around Beatrice’s hand, each callus, each rise and dip in her hands, tracing and examining every finger (man, they were long and slender), every knuckle…

Beatrice had _really_ nice hands. 

There was a sharp intake of breath from Beatrice. 

‘What, what? What’s happening?’ Camilla asked, entirely engrossed in the movie.

‘N-nothing. I just realised a would-be spoiler.’ 

‘Oh. Don’t tell me!’

Lilith shushed them. 

Beatrice seemed to be trying to regain her composure as subtly as she could without garnering too much attention. 

Ava takes pity on Beatrice, linking their hands together again, tracing small circles over Beatrice’s knuckles. 

Beatrice sighs contentedly, and she scooches very slightly into Ava. 

And they watch the women power walk out of the heist.

***

Outside of their little bubble, Camila, Mary, and Lilith were all very busy tapping on each other’s arms in Morse code.

Camila: That was so cute! Did you see the look on Beatrice’s face?!

Lilith: They’re disgusting, is what it is. 

Mary: Shut up, I need to focus on Rihanna. 

  
  


**Ava’s First Dancing Lesson**

‘If we are to infiltrate that really fancy gala, we’ll all need to dance.’

Four pairs of eyes turn to Ava.

‘Why are you all _looking_ at me like that? I can… dance.’ Ava defended.

‘So you know how to waltz?’ Mary asked disbelievingly.

‘I… know _of_ the waltz.’ 

Lilith hummed, ‘So describe the closed position.’ 

‘They...hold hands, and then the girl puts a hand on the guy’s shoulder. The guy puts his other hand on the girl’s waist.’

The nuns and Mary all agreed that Ava needed lessons. 

‘Wait, so you all know how to ballroom dance?’

‘Standard OCS training, Ava.’

‘All this for free? I know parents who would pay good money for that. Well, I think I’ll know of parents who would pay good money for that.’

‘Again, Beatrice and Lilith are the best teachers because they’ve already had lessons in finishing school. Yeah, old money. But Beatrice has actually had private dance lessons and a lot more patience than Lilith does with you.’

Ava gawked at Beatrice again, ‘What can you _not_ do, Beatrice? You’re like a Swiss Army Nun, and I’m sure you have enough hidden knives on you to match.’

Camila, ever the sweetheart, chuckles as Beatrice flushes, ‘I can play the music! I’ve been meaning to practice.’ 

So it was settled, the others filed out to do their own things when Camila sat down by the piano and began playing a simple but graceful melody.

Beatrice smiles at Ava, ‘Let’s get started, shall we? The _leader_ of the dance places their right hand on the small of the _follower’s_ back.’ Beatrice demonstrates, ‘We’re a little past assuming that men will always be leading a dance, Ava.’ 

‘Yeah, sorry, I only said what I saw in the movies.’

Beatrice’s smile only grows with warmth. ‘The follower then places their left hand on the leader’s right shoulder, or on the upper arm near the shoulder.’

Ava places her hand on Beatrice’s shoulder initially, but a devilish idea springs to mind and she slowly drags her hand down to rest on Beatrice’s arm.

Beatrice sucks in a breath to steady herself, shoots Ava a chastising look, yet neglecting to comment further. 

‘Then both of them clasp hands,’ Beatrice takes Ava’s free hand, ‘at chest or shoulder height.’ Beatrice raises it accordingly, ‘... as thus.’

They were now barely a foot away from each other, and Ava could see the specks in Beatrice’s honey eyes, curtained by lashes for days. 

They share a moment, staring into each other’s eyes, Camila’s playing in the background. 

Beatrice clears her throat, ‘The leader then reads the tempo and speed of the waltz, and… leads. Waltzes are usually in counts of…’

Beatrice gets into business mode, clearly explaining the basic theories before demonstrating them. As with the lessons in swimming, Beatrice wasn’t afraid to correct Ava’s form, and once again, Ava finds herself a quick learner under Beatrice’s tutelage. 

When they put it all together in a basic waltz, with Ava managing to step on Beatrice only once, the song ended with them back in the closed position, this time with their bodies pressed together, both of them panting lightly, when Ava makes an observation.

‘I’m starting to think that the others are actually making us do these things together, Bea.’

Beatrice honest-to-god chuckles, ‘You’re only noticing this now?’ 

Ava sputters in indignation. 

‘They’re letting me know that they love and accept me for who I am, even if I can’t.’

Ava’s heart melted to something resembling a toasted marshmallow. 

‘I love you, you know? And I accept all of you too.’

Again, Beatrice doesn’t speak, only crushes herself to Ava in a vice-tight hug. 

When they came back to reality, they realised that Camila had since taken her silent leave, and so they walked to the garden together to meet the rest.

If Camila grinned a little too brightly at the sight of Ava and Beatrice’s joined hands, or if Lilith’s scowl had softened to a slight smile, no one mentioned anything. 

Only Mary had whispered a ‘Fucking finally.’

‘Language!’

  
  
  


**Ava’s First (and Last) Knife Throwing Lesson**

  
  


‘Bea!’ Ava pounces on the nun reading a book in the main hall, ‘Can you teach me how to throw knives?’

‘Can you be trusted with a knife? Let alone be entrusted with throwing it?’ Beatrice thumbs through her book, flipping a page, not even losing her concentration.

‘Come on! I wanna be as cool as you!’ 

‘It’s very dangerous,’ Beatrice said distractedly as her eyes fly across the page, ‘and I'm in the middle of reading.’

Ava makes a mental note that the best time to persuade Beatrice into doing something was apparently not when she was reading.

But Ava was nothing but persistent. She catches Beatrice on her way to training next, and she had her game face and puppy eyes out.

Oh, were the puppy eyes out. 

Beatrice was caught entirely off guard, and stared directly into Ava’s trap. 

...How could Beatrice ever say no to those eyes?

That was how they found themselves in a deserted training room. (Everyone else had all but evacuated the room when they saw Ava actually with Beatrice’s favoured kunais.)

Beatrice outlined the safety rules first: there was the yellow safety line, and the red line that demarcated where the range began, no one should be past the red line and within the range when there were people beyond the yellow line at the firing range. A cease order had to be given whenever anyone had to go into the range to retrieve the weapons. If a cease order was given, everyone must leave all their projectile weapons on the table (and all guns had to be put on safety) and step behind the yellow line before anyone could step beyond the red line. Training could only continue when the order to continue was given.

Beatrice demonstrated, in slow motion, while explaining the technique needed, and hit the bullseye every single time. She gave the cease order, waited till Ava was behind the yellow line, before retrieving all 5 training weapons for Ava. 

Then Beatrice stepped behind the yellow line. 

Ava’s first two attempts went wide, flying at both sides of the target. The third one landed just on the edge of the target, but it stuck. 

‘Bea! Look, I did it!’ Ava turns to Beatrice and jumps up and down in glee.

‘Careful, Ava, you still have a knife in your hand.’ 

‘Oh, sorry.’

She lines her fourth knife up, according to how Beatrice had taught her, pulls back hard and flings it forward…

...only the knife didn’t fly out from her hand at the target.

The knife wasn’t even in her hand. 

Ava turned and looked around, only to find Beatrice, wide eyed with a kunai caught in her hand, a hair’s breadth away from her face. Her hand was already bleeding from when she caught the knife.

‘Beatrice!’ Ava yelled, and ran towards the nun. ‘I’m _so_ sorry!’ 

Beatrice lowered the kunai, transferred it to her uninjured hand, and placed it on a table next to her. 

‘I think… we can stop lessons for today.’ Beatrice commented. 

‘We can stop _forever_.’ Ava exclaimed, ‘I’m not going to put you in harm’s way because of my clumsiness. Ever again. I’m so, so sorry.’

‘It was an accident, I know you didn’t mean it.’ 

‘Still, I _hurt_ you. Here, let me see.’

They spent the rest of the day in the infirmary, Ava apologising furiously and never once leaving Beatrice’s side to wait on her. 

They never spoke of Ava throwing knives ever again. 

If the yellow line was shifted two meters back from its original position the next day, no one made any comment why. 

  
  
  
  


**Ava’s First Time Riding a Horse**

_‘Mission’s complete, but we’ve been found out! Go, go, go!’_ Camila’s voice was loud in their ears.

They raced to the get away van. 

Then a massive explosion racks the parking lot, and all the cars (including the van that the Sisters had brought with them) went up in flames.

‘Well, that’s fucked.’ Mary commented.

Ava thought for a moment, ‘Not quite, I’ve made friends with the horses out back. Camila, meet us at the stables on the southern side of the property, near the lake. Follow me.’

Ava leads them through an unlocked stable door to some really _fine_ horses within. 

The sisters shared a look, and immediately got to work. Beatrice and Lilith chose and saddled four horses, Ava and Mary unlocked all the stable doors while they waited for Camila to join them. 

When Camila joined them, the Sister Warriors immediately mounted a horse each, and Ava corralled the other unsaddled horses into actually dashing out of the stable and into an open field to prevent others from actually gaining a good lead on them. 

When there was enough pandemonium raised, Ava climbed (with Beatrice’s help) on top of Beatrice’s horse (a stunning chestnut Arabian) and the five of them raced out of the property, still in their glamorous, Ocean’s 8 inspired outfits that were more fitted for nuns. 

The road they travelled was forested, lit only by the full moon, and Beatrice was the one guiding the horse, urging it to ride harder, go faster. Despite them being the only two to share a horse, they were leading the other horses.

When they were in relative safety, safe enough to slow to a trot, Ava took the chance to enjoy the night breeze in her hair, the moonlight softly illuminating their little party, the warmth of Beatrice behind her as their bodies moved together with each gallop. She begins to laugh, no longer gripping the saddle in a tight grip, but extended out at her sides, as if she was flying. 

But this was Ava’s first time on a horse, so even as she did that, she started slipping to the side.

Beatrice’s arms went around her, her thighs gripping her into place, and Ava laughed harder, feeling the thrill of being on the run, having fun, yet feeling entirely safe in an embrace of someone she loved. 

In the thrill of being on the run, riding a horse, the enchantment of magical moonlight, Ava felt a certain courage well up in her. 

Intoxicated, she drew her arm back to cup around Beatrice’s head, leaning back into Beatrice, pressing a chaste kiss on her cheek dangerously close to the nun’s lips. 

Ava was breathless as she looked at Beatrice to gauge her reaction. Beatrice was already looking like her as if Ava had put the stars in the sky. 

Beatrice plants a kiss on Ava’s temple, and Ava couldn’t control her grin when she nuzzled Beatrice.

  
  


**Beatrice’s First Time Being Asked to Stay. (Instead of Being Sent Away)**

‘When will you learn to be more careful? You’re the halo bearer, you can’t just use the halo every single time you fight. You’ll get exhausted and then we’ll have to cover you, and that’s dangerous for everyone.’

It had been a long day, and Ava was beyond tired, so she wasn’t thinking when she said, ‘I was trying to save all of us! But in case you hadn’t noticed, we were surrounded by all of Adriel’s awful wraiths, and, well, we can’t all be perfect like you, but see where that got you.’ 

Beatrice flinches back, as if slapped, and Ava regretted the words even as they came out. 

Beatrice is sweet, and kind, and warm. But she’s also deadly, her ability to identify and hit the areas necessary for the quickest take down was legendary. 

So Beatrice throws back coldly, ‘I’m not the one being a deadweight to the team every time I try to help.’

Ava stares at her disbelievingly, then turns and doesn’t even bother to walk out the door, choosing to phase through the wall instead. 

Beatrice sags against the wall of her room. 

They ignore each other for days, and the others notice, walking around eggshells around the both of them. When Ava was around, Beatrice couldn’t be found. When Beatrice was around, Ava could be seen phasing through literal walls to avoid her. 

Ava’s point was well received by Beatrice. 

Beatrice wasn’t wanted around here any longer. First time that happened, she was a disgrace shipped off to a boarding school in Switzerland.

_‘Pack your bags, Beatrice, you’re on the next flight to Switzerland.’_

_‘Father? It’s 2 in the morning. Can’t it wait?’_

_‘Now, Beatrice. Your flight leaves at 6.’_

The next time it happened, she was a threat to be shipped off to Malaysia. But she’d broken her vow of obedience, stayed instead. 

This time, she had been cruel. So instead of waiting for the proverbial blade of the guillotine to fall, she might as well just do it herself. That was why she chose to transfer to the Californian chapter of the OCS. It literally was halfway around the globe. 

Shipped, once again, out of sight, out of mind. At least this time she was doing it out of her own volition.

Mother Superion had looked at her weirdly when she had submitted her request, ‘I had thought that Ava was the one who liked to run. Not you, Beatrice.’

‘She is the Halo-bearer, Mother Superion. The OCS needs her, and if she doesn’t want me around, then I’m the logical choice to go. At least this time round, I’ll have some agency in where I’m going.’ 

Mother Superion said nothing, refolding the letter back into the envelope and letting it sit on her desk to fold a hand over the other, regarding Beatrice silently. 

Beatrice nodded, ‘I know. I’ll make it quick, spare the other Sisters the turmoil.’ 

She already had the letters prepared, and she’d slipped a letter under all of their doors, headed to the main entrance with a simple bag of her belongings. Sister Agnes was already waiting with the official OCS van.

The airport was bustling when she arrived, and she thanked Sister Agnes for her help, proceeding to join the queue to check in. 

When it was finally her turn, the airport staff stumbled when they saw her last name in their database, and tried to upgrade her to a first class ticket for free, which she declined with a friendly smile. 

There was still a little time before the gate was open for boarding, so she decided to grab a sandwich and a cup of coffee before heading through security. 

Taking in a deep breath, she was about to present her passport to the officer when… 

‘BEATRICE!’ 

Beatrice tensed, ready to fight whatever danger about to head her way, when a small figure barrelled into her in a vice tight hug, as if the hug would chain Beatrice from leaving. 

Beatrice was engulfed in the soft scent of apples, Ava’s favourite scent of body wash. 

Ava muttered something into her habit, and Beatrice could tell that all eyes were on them. Hoisting her backpack on her shoulder, balancing her hot coffee so that it doesn’t spill, she tries to redirect a sobbing Ava to an area that’s more… out of the public’s eye.

Try as she might, it was difficult to show anything else but concern for Ava when the smaller woman still sobbing uncontrollably into her habit. Beatrice cradles Ava’s head, stroking her hair to comfort the woman in her arms.

‘Ava?’

‘You said you’ll never leave me!’ 

‘Ava, you couldn’t even bear being with me in the same room. You’re the halo-bearer, so the OCS needs you. So if you wanted me gone, I’d definitely be sent away again. This way, I at least get to choose where I go.’ 

‘What? _Why_ ? I never want you to leave! I just couldn’t face you after what I’d said, and I was still angry at what _you’d_ said. I just needed some time to calm down and talk to people about it. This is my first time arguing with someone, I don’t really know… the rules. Cut me some slack.’

‘I’m sorry, Ava. For what I said the other day. I was hurt, and all I knew was if I wanted to defend myself, that was what I needed to say. I really didn’t mean it. You’ve been working hard and we all wouldn’t be here without you.’ 

‘It was really mean. But what I said was worse. You trusted me enough to share that part of your past with me and I just…threw it all in your face. I'm sorry, I promise it’ll never happen again.

‘Please don’t go. I know everything’s fucked up and it’s both my fault and yours but… I don’t know what I’ll do without you. Please stay, Bea. Please. I miss you so much. I’ll do whatever I can to fix this. I don’t know what I’ll do without you. Please… Just _stay_.’

_Stay._ That was the first time that Beatrice had heard a plea for her to stay, instead of an order for her to leave, and she stares. Stares at the marvel that is Ava. 

An old tug in her chest pulls free a myriad of emotions; those she had spent years suppressing, of overwhelming love, of guilt, of anger. 

Only this time, with the twisting emotions within her comes clarity. That God was showing her the way; His way of kindness, acceptance, and undiluted, indiscriminate love. Not the way of men, nor the Church… even though she may have insisted on walking another path in a misdirected attempt of obedience. 

Because all the paths He had shown her had eventually led to this.

‘You make known to me the path of life.’ Beatrice whispers. 

There was a brief moment of confusion on Ava’s end, before Beatrice leans in and kisses Ava on the lips, in full view of everyone in the airport in a blatant show of defiance against anything that stood between Beatrice and her love. 

In that moment, she was unbound, unburdened, and she felt finally herself. 

Beatrice stays. 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: True story, I gasped out loud in the silent theater when Rihanna walked out of there in the GORGEOUS dress. Because I’m closeted af, I had to play it off like I REALLY loved the dress. Which I do. Love the dress. On Rihanna. Also yes, the title is from one of Rihanna’s songs.
> 
> Also, I have one (1) whole idea on how the UN gala went and it includes a meeting with Beatrice’s parents and Ava dragging their names through the mud. Maybe I’ll share it if it writes itself.


End file.
